THOJQ

I Miss You

It always seems to hit me in the morning, when I wake up and reality hits and I know you’re not in my life anymore. I know things will change in the future, our hearts will fade, we will never be together again as much as we’d like to believe otherwise. A piece of my heart will always be yours, I know you have been crying but seeing your eyes bloodshot just made me cringe. I had to reach out to you, like I used to when you were in pain. I can’t see you like that. Nonetheless, I can never hold anything against you, i’m just sorry I couldn’t be the man for you.

March 7/13

I woke up feeling unusually a bit happy, the lack of sleep caused me to believe that last night was a surreal dream. I felt like we were still together until I remembered what had happened. Instantly, I felt so numb, cold and empty. Reminiscing back, I still couldn’t believe that our 18 month relationship was over. The sudden rush of emotions and images in my head that reflected all that we had; how we’d hate to see eachother leave on the greyhound, how you’d always want silly pictures of us.The first images in my head that made me cry was your smile, and the times that you’d sleep on my chest and drool. These things will never leave me and that’s probably what hurts the most. I didn’t want this, I wanted to fight for you, but this is what you wanted. Looking back, our relationship wasn’t the best, but it was great and I was happy and satisfied with it. Putting things into perspective, I wish i hadn’t taken you for granted. My tumblr post was a cry for attention, I felt neglected and wish I could’ve just told you. You are different, unique, and something special, So difficult to understand and cope with yet I was happy with trying and learning everyday, but my love wasn’t good enough. I want you back, but I know I can’t sway you even after my multiples pleas for you to reconsider. I love you, but that is not merely enough. I wish you a sweet farewell and all the best. I remember how strong and independent you shined when I first met you, don’t forget who you are, you can overcome this.

We Only Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

It’s been awhile since i’ve posted, I guess this only happens when i’m lonely or have a lot on my mind. For once I feel like I have so much on my chest and no one to talk to. Where’s my girlfriend? Heh, it feels like I don’t have one. I saw this quote somewhere and didn’t really think much of it until now. I’m feeling like I deserve better. She’s really busy and stressed out, and I get it, but we don’t even talk anymore. When we do, its just mindless smalltalk. I feel like she’s not putting any effort into the relationship. I’m the one with gift ideas and chilling ideas. It’s quite sad to be honest, that this is my significant other. I guess part of it is the distance playing its part. I don’t really know how to feel anymore. Is it weird that I can talk to my friends more openly than my girlfriend? She doesn’t even know who I am.. It breaks my heart because I know she’s a sweet person but it ends there; We don’t reciprocate well.

Been listening to this the whole day, the lyrics are getting me…
DEVolution - Good Love (Alesso remix)

See You In My Dreams

Well, we meet again don’t we? It felt so real, our conversation, everything about you. We were so glad to see each other, not even the slightest upset but rather happy that we’re both doing well. I told you how much you hurt me and how long it took for me to get over you, and you caught me off guard when you said you felt the same. I excitedly told you that I’m seeing someone new an her name is Rachel, and you said “well, just like you I moved on too. I’m seeing Jack.” Hah I always knew you guys would start dating, he always had a crush on you even when we were dating. Nonetheless, our conversation ended too soon and I wish I had the chance to ask about your life now, and even wish you a happy holiday, but it was nice to see you and until next time old friend.

The “Closet” Boyfriend

I feel so insignificant sometimes…

You Say You Got Issues but I Got Some Too

5:05 am, and I’m wide awake. Sigh, a lot is on my mind, I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you think about me too? I miss you dearly, but our conversations are so vague lately, you don’t tell me who you hang out with or anything. My imagination goes crazy sometimes. I feel as though you’re losing feelings for me, just like your old tumblr post stated, and it happened so easily last time right, everything I always feared. Sometimes i feel that you’re too good for me. My friend always taught me not to devalue myself, but i cant help but feel that way. Sometimes i wish a better guy would come and sweep you off your feet because I’m not giving you what you need. Long distance relationships are really hard. I used to just see your face everyday and know that I want to be with you, see your joyous reassuring smile. Now, Sometimes I go a day without speaking to you and it feels so wrong. Even if I’m just asking how your day went, I just want to know. I don’t know, you just seem annoyed of me. It’s painful really… I work so often now and life is boring, I don’t know, everything is so bland. My friends give me temporary salvation from insanity but I just want to be with you. I want you in my life again.